Saturday, 16 April 2011

Gothy Q&A's, numero uno

Surprise! I'm here after all!

Dear readers, may I take a moment to direct you to the 'Disclaimer and Site Policies' link on the right-hand sidebar? I am very flattered when people link to or reproduce my work. But. Please ask permission when reproducing a WHOLE post (or more). Also, I require credit and a link on my work. Whether you are reproducing my work in whole or in part.  Repeat: I do not mind my work being syndicated or reproduced as long as it is credited to me. Also, my PERSONAL photos have been used without asking, which I am definitely not happy about. Please, please, ASK if you want to reproduce an entire post (or a whole stack of them, as somebody has done).

Apologies to my better-mannered readers for the above rant; I was going to write a proper post but I have been out and about today, arranging holidays, doing some heavy lifting, shopping, and, well, strolling on the beach eating an ice cream, but that is entirely beside the point. I am knackered, and I just remembered I got so caught up in melodrama (see above paragraph) that I left my Pot Noodle in the kitchen to become a cold, limp mess. Dammit.

So instead, here are some Gothy Q&A's from the shoutboxes on the old Piczo site. Hopefully you will find them helpful and/or interesting. =) (If not, come back tomorrow...)

Source: Gothic Charm School @ Tumblr
Scarlet asked: "Wat if u want to b goth so much but ur bitch of a mother keeps saying "its just a faise" help or tips?"

Hey, we've all been there - be polite, keep your head, and talk to her calmly about why the scene interests you and why you really feel you want to be part of it. Don't lose your temper or insist that it isn't a phase; she won't believe you. Just carry on as you are and don't let other people's lack of understanding worry you. I know thirty-year-old Goths who still get told they're 'going through a phase'. You might also find some of my other posts helpful.

Abby Agony asked: "I'm confused. I know you must like goth music to be goth, but I only like one song (The Art of Suicide by Emilie Autumn) and so does that mean I am not goth? Because I have a lot of people asking me and I don't know how to answer. And I started to feel really stupid by saying 'I don't know.' :P"

The best answer I can think for you to give people is a little cliched, but very accurate in your case: "I'm just me." Certainly you have interests and tastes in common with Goth, otherwise you wouldn't be interested in this scene. Why not explore the subculture a bit more (try new bands, go to clubs if you can) and in the meantime let people make up their own minds about you? Give them your most mysterious smile and say 'maybe'. What music do you enjoy? You may find, like I did, that some of the bands you like may not be Goth but are Goth-friendly. But in the end I wouldn't worry too much about whether you fit the Goth label or not. You have interests in common with Goths, but being yourself is much more important than belonging to a particular group.

Becky asked: "I have a friend, who calls herself Goth, but sadly, knows nothing about the subculture or music. She's convinced that bands like Slipknot, Evanescance, and Marylin Manson are goth. I have nothing against them, it's all good music, it's just not goth. She's also trying to persuade me that my music, Eg. Bauhaus, Emilie Autumn, Cocteau Twins, etc. is not goth, which gets pretty annoying. Now, my question is how can I (atleast try) to convince her that her music isn't actually goth. I in no way want her to stop listening to it, or force her to listen to proper goth music (I know how irritating that can be), but I would just like to show her what goth and the music is actually about."

Perhaps some visual proof would do the trick, like showing her some of the discussions about 'what Goth is' on websites like, or perhaps you have some Goth magazines or zines you could show her, e.g. Gothic Beauty? Better yet, perhaps you could introduce her to some other Goths who could help you set her straight - or take her to a Goth club if you're old enough. Of course, you could always direct her to this site - I'm sure my faithful readers could set her straight! But in the end, it's not important - if none of the above suggestions work, just accept that YOU know you're right and leave it alone. Don't discuss it with her any more, you'll end up getting frustrated and irritated. Chances are she'll either grow out of her 'Goff' phase or discover Goth clubs and bands in her own time.

Hehe asked: "Hi i live in a little city in canada and i can't find any old shchool goth band music like the bauhaus and siouxsie and the banshee's does anyone know were to get anyof those kind of cds?"

I had a look around for you and I found this website which seems to stock quite a good range.

Velvet Wolf asked: "I do love Bauhaus, but I've always been confused about why we still reckon they are one of the best goth bands, when they rejected the label? Clear this up for me Amy please?"

Most of the early Goth bands rejected the label... Siouxsie and the Banshees, the Sisters, even The Cure. I guess we decided that we liked their sound a whole lot better than their attitude. Also, it might have something to do with the fact that labels aren't particularly important, so it was kind of a "Hey, be Goth, be punk, be whatever - we like your music so we don't really care..." And besides, their music has always been thought of as the essence of the Goth scene, whether they like it or not. (Spawning a subculture against your will, and then being permanently adopted by it - how's that for unlucky?) So there's no definite answer, but I hope this little ramble of mine helps...

Bre asked: "I was hoping you would be able to tell me how you came across Ice Goth because I have been very interested in it and can not seem to find much on it at all."

I came across it online, on a list of 'Goth types' (some of which were even serious!), which you can find here. It's only a really brief mention ('Negative Goth - wearer of white garb'.) but it gave me the impetus to go dig around.

Brooke asked: "So I need like.. Advice.. I've been goth on the inside for years. Lately I've been switching to the style. There's just a small problem. ...I'm scared. I'm always being called "so pretty" and stuff. I'm just worried people will start to dislike me. I know it's ridiculous for me to worry about this, especially since dressing like a goth is something I've wanted to do since I was a kid. 5-6 at that. Anyways.. Do you have any advice..?"

It might help if you introduce the change slowly, and be sure to explain to your friends and family why this is important to you. If you can reassure them that you're still 'you', not an ooky-spooky evil creature of darkness, most people will be accepting. Since this is something you've wanted to do for such a long time, it seems a shame to be held back by worrying about what other people will think, but I understand how you feel. I was a bit anxious myself when I started dressing Goth. Luckily, my friends just took it in their stride and I'm sure yours will do the same - after all, don't people choose friends that like them for who they are? On the topic of 'prettiness', you may want to avoid swamping your features with heavy make-up, rather focus on emphasising your assets (no, not THOSE assets!) - if you're pretty, you'll be pretty no matter how you choose to dress. Just take it gradually and be prepared to answer any questions your friends may have.

Bex asked: "Where would you recommend I get a pair of resonably priced-parent friendly-chunky boots? Because it seems I'm stcuk between a pair of plain boring mainstream boots or Rocks, and I'd like something in-between."

If you live in the UK, try your local ShoeZone and/or Peacocks. They often stock cheap boots that look similar to Doc Martens - nice and chunky, also very practical. Otherwise, check the kind of places that sell work boots - markets, bootsales, army surplus etc - you'll probably find a nice pair of steel-toed combats at a relatively reasonable price.

Muffin asked: "What is your most embarrassing wardrobe malfunction?"

Either the time I had a long black skirt on, I stood on the hem and the skirt came down. While I was doing a dance performance on stage. Or the time I was wearing a long silver skirt and the wind blew it right up in the middle of the high street. >.< At least I had decent knickers on!

Rebecca asked: "hi amy i just wanted to know what is your favorite lipstick i have started wearing dark red because i have pale skin and it makes my eyes pop out what do ou like to wear?"

At the moment I love Revlon ColourStay in Top Tomato, but I love experimenting with weird colours. Today I bought a white lipstick and a lilac one. ^^

I think that'll do for today, folks! If you have a question you'd like answered, you can drop me a comment and I'll get back to you! (I don't mind anonymous comments so you don't need a Blogger account.) If I take a long time to answer, I'm either saving your question for one of these Q&A's, or I feel your question requires an entire reader request post!


Julietslace said...

People need to start asking my permisson too :| it's weird when I check my stats to see a website I haven't even heard of.

Oh and I highly recommend Rockalily lipsticks!

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy, Im Geneva and im 14. Im goth on the inside and have always wanted to make the transition but my mom is mainstream and everything and barely lets me do anything. I only have an ankle length purple skirt and a black skirt i made myself. I also have school unoiform and i cant really be myself. I have demonia boots but my mom never lets me wear them unless she leaves for work early and she doesnt know. can you give me some advice on maybe a casual or simple put together of a gothic outfit? Thanx. And also, ive got glasses AND braces. Its really hard for me to come across as goth being african american and looking like a nerd. haha sorry for rambling. But thanx! your blog is amazing!! I read it everyday! Thanx!

Orillia & Pandora said...

We adore your blog Amy! You always manage to be so helpful (:

MissVermilion said...

Ahh seriously I like your blog a bit more day by day,it's so great! You gave a bunch of amazing advices.

About the information stolen,I experimented the same recently and I know how frustating can be,but a teacher of mine gave a good advice : That's the sign that you're doing pretty well.

⚏ Arlecchino Fluorescente ⚝ said...

I think that via the Digital Millenium Copyright Act you should be able to fill in an online form and have the stolen content taken down.

I had a look via Copyscape and I think I found the site you're referring to. Being as they haven't changed where you are referring to yourself in the first person under your photos, they are effectively impersonating you, which is quite serious.

And yes, strange make-up is a must! I have a lovely blue from Shiro Cosmetics.

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy,
I've never copied any of your work, but I have linked to your site. At the time I thought I should probably ask, but the truth is I'm pathetically shy (which is why this comment is anonymous). I did credit you as the author. Can I have permission to link to you site occasionally?

Anonymous said...

Great post, still reading older posts, so I'm going to follow. Didn't want to add you and not say anything, so Hello! lol.

ultimategothguide said...

@ Juliet's Lace - I'm guilty of linking you without permission, sorry :-( but at least I only link to your posts, I don't get a bit handy with copy and paste.

Thanks for the recommendation, I probably have more lipstick than anyone in the known universe but can always do with more!

@ Geneva - hello ^^ I don't know if you have read my post 'The Undercover Goth' but it sounds as though it might be useful to you!

If you click on the 'family' label in the sidebar, you will find some posts about helping your family accept that you want to be part of the scene. I hope this is helpful!

And thank you! =D

@ Orillia and Pandora - thanks very much! <3

@ MisVermilion - aw, thanks so much! And that is a good thing to keep in mind, they do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery ^^

@ Arlecchino Fluoroscente - Thanks for the information. I'm not too worried about the general posts as at least they have bothered to put some links, but, like you said, the cameraphone pics with descriptions in first person is a little odd.

Ooh, I'm a fan of Shiro Cosmetics ^^

@ TasteMadness - thank you! And hello =)

ultimategothguide said...

@ Anonymous - sorry for not replying earlier, for some reason this blog marked your comment as spam.

You are more than welcome to link. Thanks for asking. ^^ (I'm shy in person but not so much on the internet!) Do I know your site by any chance?

Anonymous said...

@ultimategothguide-You probably wouldn't know my site. It's rather small and not well all. I guess I could give you a link, but that kind of ruins the point of being anonymous. Oh well.
Thanks for giving me permission to link to your site. =^.^= (random cat face)

ultimategothguide said...

@ Anonymous - I do know your site ^^ you've posted some non-anonymous comments before and I followed the link. You're very welcome!

Kitty Lovett; A Charming Notion said...

Hey Amy
You're awesome, as said many times by me. On another note, do you make much of your own stuff? If so, post some tutorials. :D I'm going to make a practice-bustle with some material I have on hand.

Qwack said...

Hope this isn't too late, but what's a good, parent friendly, way to mix the Victorian and Deathrock looks? I'm weird... I like reading while listening to Christian Death or whatever. By parent friendly, I mean no whips, chains, teased hair, Deathhawks, PVC, shaved eyebrows, paleface, excessive makeup, little fishnet, boots that have heels more than two inches, and you get the picture... and that wouldn't kill the little money my parents and I have. Seeing as I'm twelve, that's like... nothing.

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