THOUSANDS OF FREE BLOGGER TEMPLATES

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Boo-hoo, my child is her own person...

So I was not having the best day. And then I came online. Not only do I know the sweetest and most amazing Gothy types in the world ever but I won a free download of the Decade EP by All My Faith Lost!! <3333

Ahem. Anyhoo.

Today I'd like to direct a disgruntled rant in the direction of the Daily Fail, AGAIN, and in particular the article they ran entitled 'Where did my little girl go?' with the absurd sub-heading: "Horse-riding. Private school. Diana Appleyard's daughter wanted for nothing. So why at 18 has Charlotte become a Goth with ten ear piercings?" It's almost cute how they try to make ten ear piercings sound oh-so-shocking.

And I'm not sure why so many middle-class parents seem to assume that equestrianism will somehow deter their child from Gothdom. I state for the record that I was a horse-obsessed child. I own over 400 My Little Ponies, will buy anything with a unicorn on it, and rode horses from the age of seven, which was when my repeated pleading convinced my parents that riding lessons might be more important than paying the rent every now and again. Riding horses and being a Goth are not actually incompatible, y'know...

In the article, both Diana and Charlotte give their sides of the story. Charlotte puts forth her 'defence' for being a heavy metal fan with pink hair (not technically a Goth but more of a metalhead in my opinion, but I'm not splitting hairs right this minute), saying, "My image epitomises both fun and also a sense of passion - it's an antidote to a drab world."

Charlotte Appleyard: "I am who I am."
Source: The Daily Mail
Charlotte doesn't seem to party hard, do drugs, or hang out with an unsuitable crowd, but rather than counting her blessings that her daughter has avoided the pitfalls laid out for so many of today's teenage girls, Diana somewhat melodramatically laments, "I hesitate to use the word 'defile', but... every time I look at her multiple piercings I wince. I can't help but think of them as skin mutilations... I wonder if she'll ever look normal again."

Frankly, this attitude makes my blood boil. This woman seems incapable of accepting her daughter's right to be her own person, including her own style and image. My own mother, upon reading the article, proclaimed, "Selfish woman - she can't understand it's not all about her." Perhaps it's unfair for me to say, as I'm not a parent myself, but I am at a loss with parents who aim such vitriolic comments at their children simply because those children have elected not to become miniature clones of Mummy and Daddy. (I swear before you all, I promise never to berate my future children should they choose to wear tracksuits from Adidas.)

Seemingly overlooking the fact that Charlotte is apparently capable of making independent decisions about her appearance on the basis of nothing more than PLEASING HERSELF, Diana wails, "Is this image some kind of rebellion against her middle-class childhood? Is she figuratively putting two fingers up at our values and lifestyle? Charlotte looks the antithesis of her upbringing. I can't help seeing her image as some kind of rejection."

Personally, I would be shocked and upset if one of my parents were to say such a thing about me; if they felt that my way of expressing myself and enjoying fashion was nothing more than a spiteful act towards them. And that 'antithesis of her upbringing' remark I find offensive: is Diana implying that Goths, metalheads and punks can't possibly come from comfortable, happy homes with loving families and a good education, because I think MY family, just for starters, would like to tell her differently.

In response, Charlotte says, "I am not doing this to upset my parents. They've done everything for me and I respect their opinions very much. My image is simply for me and no one else and I ought to be given the freedom to do what I like to it."

Diana also mentions casually that her daughter's dress sense has become "a family joke". Well, I'm sure my family weren't expecting me to end up with orange hair and a nose ring, but at least they manage not to describe me as a 'joke' in a national newspaper.

To finish, she says, "I just wish she looked more on the outside as she is on the inside. I worry... that her aggressive image might damage her in some way."

Sometimes there just aren't words...

Now, I don't know the Appleyards personally at all, I know nothing about their family dynamic, but I feel that Diana's ill-judged misconceptions and ignorant remarks are the perfect example of what a lot of young Goths have to put up with from their own families when they're doing nothing more than experimenting with a new aesthetic. I find it frustrating that Diana seems to insist on seeing Charlotte's image as 'rejection' and 'rebellion'  - Charlotte says, "Nothing could be further from the truth! Why do parents think everything is about them?"

You can read the entire article here. (Most of the comments are great!)

I'll finish with a quote from Charlotte: "I am who I am, and love my image. I don't think any person has the right to tell anyone how they should look. We only get one life and should be allowed to live it as we see fit."

23 comments:

Under_The_Stairs said...

My moms acts the same way.I've tried to convince her I'm not trying to rebel,but she is very stubborn.

CNGB said...

While I do agree that Charlotte's mother needs to take a chill pill, I believe that the reason why the woman is freaking out is because she's bought into every negative stereotype concerning Goths and Metalheads. Perhaps if she knew more about what both subcultures were, she wouldn't be freaking out so much.

Mira said...

Is there a possibility that they were exaggerating their disagreement in order to get into the newspaper? I guess we can always hope.

Daniel_8964 said...

This article makes me feel my blood steaming like flames of an inferno and look down on the mother with disdain. It clearly proves the mum that looks matter to her when looks basically DONT define a person and it doesn't matter who they look, no matter what. The personality is what really counts inside as a person.

Caro-chan said...

Oh wow! First of all, that girl looks like a pretty normal looking teenager to me. Oh gosh, she's wearing a black tee shirt and a black mini skirt instead of some other colored tee shirt and a denim tee shirt XD It's a pretty rage worthy news report and it's so sad that the daughters side is so plainly put, in the simplest way possible, but the mother just doesn't seem to get it.

Ms. Lou said...

Wow! That mum is freaking out over nothing. Her child appears well adjusted and capable of independent thought, and has enough self esteem to dress in a way that pleases her, not others. She should be proud, instead of moaning about it.

Nox Artemis said...

"And I'm not sure why so many middle-class parents seem to assume that equestrianism will somehow deter their child from Gothdom." That... made me LOL hard.

I must say, I really hate it when people bring their family problems to national or even just local attention. Why would you go out of your way to fuel the fires of difference instead of trying to put it out behind closed doors? It's not just immature (because you're basically go out and about telling your side of the story to your problem - that nobody really cares about - just so you can get some ego support) it'll be damaging in the long run, as you are actively seeking to humiliate somebody close to you - who you're charged with protecting from ridicule like this - just to settle some silly dispute about parenting that you just never learned from becoming one.

Somebody, PLEASE find this woman and punch her in the tail bone.

Xanthy said...

Dear whining person, stop whining.
Your daughter knows how to use words like "epitomise" and is capable of making sense. The daughter makes a better point than the mother here, to be honest.

Also, I agree with you, on the newspaper thing, Amy. Least they can do is try to work this out themselves, instead of calling their daughter a joke in a national newspaper.

Toxic Tears said...

I left a comment on that myself. Stupid woman. And the whole rebelling against a middle class upbringing. I'd say that the majority of goths come from middle class families, or at least loving well structured households. When it comes to kinda.. rough families, I'm sorry to make such a generalisation, but the children end up as "Chavs" faaaar more often than they do alternative.>__<

Would she rather her daughter cover herself in neon orange fake tan, wear playboy skirts that don't cover her arse and go out drinking and partying with a rough crowd? I think not.

(By the way, when I say Chavs, or that I dislike them, I'm not talking about someone who wears a tracksuit. My definition of a chav is the ones who are violent, nasty and shallow minded, so I don't base it all on looks. Besides, chav originally stoof for "Council House and Violent" so you can't really be a chav unless you're a violent little bastard)

Pardon my language

Not sure if any of that made sense, my brain won't function today.:P

Kamyria Magdalena Mourn said...

I'm probably Diana's age and I find this article ridiculous! I agree.. the daughter makes more sense and seems far more intelligent than mother. And the daughter looks beautiful! I love her red hair. The mother should be ashamed to use some of the words she uses to describe her daughter's looks and for calling Charlotte's looks a "family joke". Disgusting! Diana is close minded, intolerant and rude person.. but I'm sure she thinks she is a wonderful parent. I think not!

Anonymous said...

I'd love to see how this vile woman would react if she met me. I currently have magenta hair, rather a lot of piercings (including nipple and genital ones, in her mind that'd probably make me some kind of perverse sex offender) and two tattoos.

I also always say please and thank you, hold doors open for people, help people with prams and wheelchairs navigate the gap between the train and the platform, have a respectable job and am working towards a degree, offer my seat on the bus to elderly people, don't like being drunk and would much rather spend my nights crocheting and reading than going out clubbing. Oh noes! Won't somebody please think of the children?! *clutches pearls*

Also, goth or not, Charlotte is absolutely stunning! Her mother should just be pleased that she's raised a happy, healthy daughter with an imagination and a sense of creativity. Would she rather her daughter be 'normally' dressed and a complete hellion?

Traicetrak said...

This mother reminds me of my own mother in some ways, whom I adore. So judgmental remarks about her being a "stupid woman" are what makes my blood boil, rather than the woman's behavior. She's overprotective, which, while not being the best way of dealing, isn't terrible either. She had an idealized image of her family and her little girl, which is now being upset. Part of the natural grieving process is denial. Give her a break. My parents dragged me off to a counselor because I "daydreamed too much and lacked discipline." They made a huge deal out of it. It's silly now looking back on it. I never got into any trouble, never experimented with drugs, didn't drink, didn't hang out with people who did. They couldn't see the forest for the trees. But it works the other way, too. Parents make mistakes. I'd rather see a parent make mistakes out of fear for their child's future and safety rather than out of disrespect and apathy. They'll all be okay. Let's move on...

Glen said...

The Mother in this story makes me a little upset, but I also can't help but laugh at her. It sounds as though judging a book by its cover is all that matters.
If she winces over 10 ear pierecings (which look quite cool on her,) she'd have a heart attack looking at half of the youth of Australia.

muninandhugin said...

Sweet Sappho's underpants, the woman should be grateful her daughter is articulate, self confident, and from how she represents herself in the article she's intelligent and well adjusted, too. What more could any parent ask for? Why would any parent with a child like that be worried about her fashion choices? It's just ridiculous.

Maeam said...

Blood surely boils. This is...outrageous. Can't even be grateful. The mother is SO melodramatic...

Melanie~"Fangirl"~Light said...

I wonder if the mother acknowledges that a "normal-looking person" might be the most dishonest, rebellious, jerk on the planet.

From this article the mother has a poor sense of who her daughter is. then again, someone must have gobbled up all the stereotype cookies.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a Goth, but my girlfriend is, and we both absolutely adore your blog! Her parents are terrible like this, they don't let her out in what they class as "morbid" clothing, and they frown upon piercings, which is bad, cause she adores her body-mods! It makes her pretty upset sometimes:(
-Elliott.

Kismet Dreamer said...

Call me a terrible person, whatever, but I think this girl's mother is right in a way. I do not mean no piercings or no "morbid" fashion is right, but take a look at the picture. You can see girl's shoulders and arms are not covered and her skirt is much too short to be called a skirt, it is rather a large belt. If I had a child, I would NEVER let her ourside like that. She shows people things that should never be shown.
Goth, not goth, or whatever else I am not to judge. I do not know this girl but I suppose she is a good person who simply does not know how to wear appropriate clothes. I would say if she wears a jacket on top of that shirt or at least something with long sleeves underneath and her skirt covers her knees she will look very nice.

Undecided said...

my parents think everything is about perfection. They want me to be a perfect straight A student, academically achieve in everything I do, and continue on to be a world famous super model and vignter. As good of a student as I am, my parents are hard to live up to. Wait until they found out I was goth!! Ha! As you can see, we don't exactly get along... I hate when parents are like mine, restricting their children's creative abilities, not allowing them to openly express themselves. Diana needs a reality check, life isn't all about her!

InfiltratorN7 said...

This is such a non-article I can’t believe the Daily Mail ran it. A girl wears some piercing and a black t-shirt and it’s considered newsworthy? Why? Teenagers rebelling against their parents is hardly a new thing. She doesn’t look particularly extreme in any way either.

Children are not meant to be mini-me’s of the parents. They’re their own person. They can grow up to be however they want. They’re individuals, not extensions of the parent and so are not meant to be forced to follow in the parents’ footsteps. The mother should be proud of having a daughter who is independent minded, doesn’t follow the herd and can think for herself.

“Charlie is now at art college, and doing extremely well. I know, as a person, she hasn’t changed at all. She’s always been eccentric and charming, and I ought to count myself extremely lucky that she hasn’t gone off the rails and has excellent values in life.”

^^^ Yes you should! This woman should be proud of her daughter, not naming and shaming her in the mass media. This is just terrible attention-seeking behaviour. It’s only one step away from dragging her daughter onto one of those shows like Jeremy Kyle so everyone can point and laugh and jeer.

The mother’s comments are pretty offensive and classist. She seems to imply that someone who turns out to be alternative can’t possibly come from a good home with a caring family.

"I just wish she looked more on the outside as she is on the inside. I worry... that her aggressive image might damage her in some way."

^^^ Ever heard of looking beneath the surface? Not judging a book by it’s cover? Obviously she hasn’t. *sighs* It is sad if the mother, the girl’s sister and other family members really laugh at her instead of just loving her for who she is.

“Besides, chav originally stoof for "Council House and Violent"
^^^ That’s an often cited myth. There is still ongoing discussion of where the term originated from.

Infiltrator_N7 said...

Looking at her other articles on the Daily Mail site doesn’t help her image either:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2040238/Why-I-like-women-just-like-From-shoes-kitchen-tiles-little-details-seal-friendship.html

She comes across as very judgemental and classist. This article is about how she’ll be your friend based on superficial things like what bags you buy, which wall tiles you have in your kitchen, brand of oven you use, clothes you wear and so on. I just can’t get on with people like this. For me it’s personality that matters. I don’t care if someone dresses goth or not. I get on with people who are friendly, welcoming, caring and supportive. People who are not judging you or trying to tear you down.

Kimberly said...

This is like my dad. He even told me that he would rather not have me as a daughter, if he knew that i will end up dressing differently.:/ Im his ONLY daugher....

korynnininm said...

I'm so glad I live with old punks and hippies so it doesn't bother them (except my green hair that's the only thing)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...