Wednesday, 2 November 2011

The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner

Ah, Kitty is back... I know because I was giggling like a moron while reading through my comments. ^^

I do warn you that I am barely awake right now, so perhaps this was not the best moment to choose to write a review of a book by her royal sparkliness Stephenie Meyer. But I'm worried I'm going to fall behind in my Vampire Reading Challenge, so deep breath, here goes:

Parajunkee's View Vampire Reading Challenge, Review #15 - The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyer

OK, OK, so since I brought up this entire subject, a brief disclaimer. Twilight is not a Gothic novel. Sparkling vampires are far from the epitome of spookiness. Werewolves should not wear cut-off denim shorts (or wax their chests). BUT as you may already know if you lurk here a lot, I don't hate Twilight, I actually quite like it and think of it as amusing fluff to read on days when flicking through a Mills & Boon would feel like an intellectual pursuit.

Let me begin by saying that certain friends of mine who queued up to pre-order this 'Eclipse novella' for the alarming price of £13.99 have no common sense. I'm not generally a fan of novellas (I prefer something I can sink my teeth into, pun totally intended) and paid like £1.50 for this in a charity shop.

Bree Tanner, whom those of you who have read the Twilight Saga will know, is a newborn sparklyvamp who suffers a painful death during Eclipse for, um, behaving like a vampire. Y'know, like biting people and stuff. So the ending of this book is pretty obvious.

Bree's life story has its upsides and downsides. On the plus side, it shows that Stephenie Meyer is actually capable of writing about vampires behaving like vampires, which was quite refreshing, although don't pick up this book expecting 30 Days of Night. On the downside, I became quite annoyed quite early on with the naivety of her sparklyvamp characters, who considering their newfound bloodthirst and supernatural powers seem easily led, easily duped and not a little stupid in some cases. Frankly, if I ended up with raging bloodthirst and the power to juggle a taxicab, I'm pretty sure I'd be uncomfortable with people telling me what to do.

I also did not like the ending. Despite the fact she comes across as not being the brightest bulb in the box, Bree is a likeable character, and there's even a typically twee romantic subplot that managed to hold my attention. But as soon as our friends Bella and Edward enter the scene in the last chapter or so, our doomed heroine is reduced to practically a walk-on role as we watch the pale tragic lovebirds twitter.

Seriously. Bree is trying to have a gruesome death scene. Is this really the time to be admiring Edward's hair?

For a serious Twilight fan, it could be interesting to see Bree's death scene through her own eyes, and yes, all right, I did pull my copy of Eclipse down off the shelf to compare Bree's view with Bella's (the dialogue matches up properly, which is good).

Overall, a little childish and cutesy, but not bad.


Kitty Lovett; The Unadulterated Cat said...

I'm glad I give you amusement. I was really a little bit drunk, since the Green Fairy and I are terrible influences, but towards the end I was already hung over and so probably less lolworthy.

I was tempted to read this book to give it a proper critical review of how wrist-slittingly bad the whole Twilight thing is, but I realised that I actually quite like my faux-sanity.

TWILIGHT used TEACH KIDS THAT EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS TWOO WUV! It was super effective! I found Bree to be an interesting-ish character from what I can remember from Eclipse (ie: fucking not much at all). Is it just me, or are all the minor/secondary characters far more interesting than the main two? Alice, for example, is the only well-written character in the entire fiasco.

/end overly-long post-drunk angry comment

Under_The_Stairs said...

Eww,Stephenie Meyer.She cant write.I read the first twilight book and got the impression that she:

A.Wrote the book with a thesaurus next to her the who time.

B.Wants to crawl inside the book and never,ever come out.

inktwister said...

Hmm, interesting review! Especially the part where you claimed Meyer having actual capability of writing about vampires. Made me giggle. :)

I'm not sure though if I would have the guts to read more stuff from her. Open-mindedness is not an issue since I've tried SO hard just to go through a single book so I could have a fair and proper critique of it. And it usually ends up the same way watching the 10-hour version of the Nyan Cat video.

Kudos for you finishing the book and making this review!

Ashlee said...

So I didn't read the review (I'm not in the mood for anything in relation to Stephanie Meyer) but... it wasn't bad? And it's by Stephanie Meyer? Impossible, I say!

So, does Bree have her own personality? Because I remember reading The Host and the girl was like Bella in a new setting.

... yes, I hate Stephanie with a passion equal to a thousand suns and yet I've read The Host. And all the Twilight books. And that part of Midnight Sun that she uploaded.

Melanie~"Fangirl"~Light said...

my time as a Twilight fan ended within a year thanks to Breaking Dawn ("OMG! We're gonna die!" *shoots self*). the only book I never finished...
now I can barely tolerate the first book.

all my tolerance and respect for Ms Meyer as a writer have stretched beyond the breaking point. (though it's wonderful that she's consistent about the death scene.)

I really appreciate your honesty here. thanks. :)

BLINK said...

random bit of useless info: many indiginous americans don't have body hair. Also, if ms meyer wishes to add glitter to things, said glitter should not be limited to the disco balls- er, vampires. :D
(also, my apologies for adding a comment a month after you post it, if have some catching up to do -.- )

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